New Career Aspirations?

It finally hit me when I said, "Why can't they pay me to do that?!"

Now, I don't know what you all are thinking, but I am talking about being a big time singer/songwriter/performer.

A lot of you are saying, "Whoa! Rex, how dare you insult their musical talent by saying you could do the same!" or "What?! They have been practicing all their lives!" Well, I must say - they probably do have a better voice than me, and they have DEFINITELY practiced more than I have (although I do sing occasionally in the shower - and I'm not all that bad!), and I wish that any of that mattered, I really do. I should not be able to sit here and say that I could be a famous singer/songwriter. But the truth is ... music quality has continuously been on a downhill slide since the end of the 90's.

I know what you are thinking, "You have nothing to back this up!" and "You are just jealous!"

Well, here is my proof. Here are a few lyrics from popular songs ... you tell me how creative you have to be to come up with this:

Ms New Booty

[Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]

Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]

Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx] I found you MS NEW BOOTY Get it together and bring it back to me Hit the players club for about a month or two Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]  Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [4x]

Now, I realize that there are more lyrics in the song, but these lyrics above are repeated THREE more times in the song! REALLY?! We can't be more creative than that? 

How about this one:

Single Ladies

All the single ladies (all the single ladies)

All the single ladies (all the single ladies)

All the single ladies (all the single ladies)

All the single ladies, now put your hands up 

Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh   Wha-oh-oh Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it   Wha-oh-oh Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it   Wha-oh-oh
This is half the song! I just don't understand how you can  make a song that says the same things over and over, and have it be a hit! It just doesn't make sense to me.
Finally, this blog post exists because of the song that takes the cake for originality, Enjoy!
I'm A Be
I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be be be be I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be be be be I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be be be be I'm a I'm a be.

[Fergie:]
I'm a be on the next level
I'm a be rockin' over that bass treble
I'm a be chillin' with my muthaFin' crew
I'm a be makin' all them deals you wanna do
I'm a be up in that maylist flicks
Doin' 100 flips, and I'm a be
Sippin' on drinks cause
I'm a be shakin' my hips
You gon' be lickin' your lips
I'm a be takin' them pics
Lookin' all fly and s***
I'm a be the flyest chick, so fly
I'm a be spreadin' my wings
I'm a be doin' my thing (do it do it)
Okay.

I'm a I'm a swing it this way, (I'm a I'm a s...) I'm a I'm a swing it that way
This is Fergie-Ferg, and I'm a (I'm a) be here to stay
The 21st century till infinitay

I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be
I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be.
Now, I would try to count the number of times they say "I'm a be" but I don't know if I could count that high before my head exploded! This song tops the rest. I don't know who heard this song and thought, "Yea, that is creative and artistic, lets put it on the radio."  but whoever it was needs to be fired. I would think there would be some sort of checks and balances to weed these songs out. Apparently not. 
Therefore, I sit here and ponder whether I choose the correct path in life ... Physical Therapy - or should I have been a Singer/Songwriter?
Ideas for my first song: 
What it ain't, what it ain't, What it ain't. [x18]
I got rhythm, what? Dawg, I got rhythm [x26]
Who be in da club wit me? [x382,203,300]
It's a number one hit in the making .... I'm sure of it. 

A Day of Letters

Dear World,

I was woken up yesterday at 10:43. "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!" I'm thinking, "who in the world is knocking on my door?" I soon found out. I jumped out of bed, (luckily wearing basketball shorts), and opened the door. Christine was standing there with her backpack (on a Saturday that means she is up to something). So, confused already I said, "Whats up?" "Get dressed, we're going somewhere." "Why? And Where?" a more confused me said. "It's a surprise." First off, that is one of the most annoying things to hear. At first you are like, YAY! because that person cares about you enough to plan something special for you, and then you are like, HEY! because they just want to hang it over your head that they know and you don't. It is their silent way of saying "I know and you don't, NANEE NANEE BOO BOO!" Well, no matter how annoyed you are, you are still excited because chances are it is going to be fun and it was created for your enjoyment. Well, I put in my contacts and put some more appropriate clothes on and started off on my day.

- Rex Webb

Dear Christine,

I can't tell you how much I appreciate you thinking of me and caring about me enough to plan this surprise day for me. It was very unexpected and I loved it! I can't think of anything I would have rather been doing on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. You're the best!!

- Me!

Dear 6 guys sitting in the two rows in front of us.

I am sure you don't even remember us. No, that is not because we silently sat behind you. We actually had conversations with you. You were just so drunk that you probably won't even remember where you were yesterday. To fill you in on what you did:

Guy 1. - Where was your underwear? Did you run out of clean ones or did you just completely forget that they are necessary? A lot of people are probably wondering why I know you weren't wearing underwear. As I'm sure you are wondering why I know this. Allow me to explain. Every time you stood up, did the wave, fist bumped the guys around you (I think you were at 63 fist bumps when I quit counting), and did your own dance, your pants were only 1/2 way up your butt. This means that me and everyone behind me are now very, very, VERY familiar with your butt crack. If you wondered why people were yelling, "Crack is Whack!" and "Plumbers Pants!" and "Don't do Crack!" .... No, there was not a DARE anti-drug convention partnering with the American Plumbers Association. They were all yelling at you to pull up your pants.

Guy 2. - Now I realize that getting a couple beers in you can make you feel bonded to the guys you are hanging out with, but by no means does that mean that you are allowed to put your arm around him for more than 3 seconds. You left it there for 2 mins + ! That's just not OK man. If you are blood related brothers, it is somewhat acceptable, in a manly fashion. Neither of these qualifications applied to you, so here is a little tip for you. Get one of those old school handshake shockers buttons that you hide in your hand when you shake hands with someone, tie it to your arm so that next time you are drunk and you try to put your arm around your buddy, he will act accordingly. Problem solved.

Guy 3. - I don't know if you know this, but when you are drunk, your eyes bulge out of your head. Granted, you are pretty hilarious, but you have to lay off the booze. A few of my favorite quotes from you. "Hey, we're in Detroit" - after seeing Guy 1. air hump while half his butt was hanging out of his pants. "Hey man, It happens." - after Guy 2. told us that he had 12 kids and just adopted another. Now, because you are funny, and it was fun to sit behind you I have to fill you in on something that you obviously didn't notice, because had you noticed you wouldn't have shown your face in public, but your Tiger's hat is orange and white. Not navy blue and orange, not navy blue and white, the two acceptable hat colors allowed. Please check your hat colors, then color in the white part navy blue and you will only look kinda dumb because the colors are backwards. Whoever thought it was a good idea to get you that had should be slapped. And yes, I do realize that might have been, and probably was you.

Guy 4,5,6. - I don't know if you realize this, but you are who you hang out with. If I were you I would seriously consider getting some new friends. I mean, unless you would like to be associated with butt crack, goofy hat, man to man PDA drunkards. You have got to have higher aspirations than that. But hey, if that is what you enjoy ... well, you have found your crowd, congrats!

Now, I would just like to personally thank you guys for the humor you provided to all of us behind you. While my day would have been absolutely wonderful even if I was seated nosebleed all alone, it was just icing on the cake when I sat down behind you guys. I will remember the good times I had - and the ones you won't remember for a long time. And I will smile.

- The guy behind you sitting next to the girl you kept looking at.

Dear readers,

Please learn a thing or two from these guys.

1. ALWAYS wear underwear and a belt that works. "Crack is Whack"

2. Too much guy on guy PDA is unacceptable, please refrain from this activity.

3. Getting drunk does not do anything for you. These guys will probably never remember

having a great time on a Saturday afternoon. They won't remember the atmosphere

around them, or the people they met. The only thing these guys will get from their drinks will be liver problems. I have nothing against having a couple drinks responsibly. But that means knowing how much gets you drunk and staying far enough below that to behave responsibly.

- Rex Webb

Dear Detroit Tigers,

Thank you for playing a great game of baseball yesterday. I loved being at the stadium, spitting seeds and enjoying the atmosphere. Congrats on the win. I hope to be able to come see you play many more times in the future. Luckily, I have someone that likes to surprise me with tickets to your games, and I couldn't ask for a better Saturday afternoon.

- A faithful fan

A little thing called STEELHEAD FISHING .... continued

So, you just landed your first steelhead, you are trying to figure out a snag, and now ANOTHER fish on! This one is fighting more than the first. It makes a couple runs. Under the boat, away from the boat, straight down. After another great fight, another fish is coming at your face in a net. You look down and the lure is already out of the mouth. You were that close to losing that fish! It's time to put this fish alongside the first on the stringer. As soon as the fish are on the stringer it is time to go back to the snag.

You resume the task of trying to get the lure free of whatever it is snagged on. Dad gets hold of it a couple of times with the SnagMaster and he couldn't pull it up! After 30-45 minutes we finally gave up. The 25 year streak is broken as the line to the snagged lure is broken off. You are about to resume fishing, but you must first retie the line to the rod that the last fish was caught on. You are about to set it up and as we are retying the line snaps?! Once again, you were that close to losing that fish! It is a miracle you landed that second fish!

You continue fishing for a few more hours. One more steelhead hit on the spawn, but the line snapped. You get the weather report via a call home, and it was supposed to rain at 1. Dad decided to leave at noon. Around noon, Dad starts to pack up the gear. The lines are being reeled in and about that time it starts to rain. Early. The anchor is raised and it is time to head in. You are getting comfortable watching the bank, bracing against the wind and rain. You decide to check on the fish, making sure they are doing alright at the higher speeds while you try to get to the launch. You look over and Dad tells you they'll be fine. You thought the stringer looked a little funny and then said, "Um, Dad? Where are our fish?!" He says, "WHAT?!?" Sure enough, you grab the stringer and there is NOTHING on the end! NO FISH! WHERE DID THEY GO!?! The stringer must not have been secured correctly! Two big steelhead are swimming free.

You start to laugh. Baffled and confused, you don't know what to say. How could it have happened, who knows? We have our theories, but they really don't matter. The fact is they are gone. You load up the boat and start to head home. You start to think.

Should you be disappointed? Should you be upset? You remember what you thought this morning. Even if you didn't catch a fish, you would have walked away having a morning to remember and would have been thrilled. You got to catch two steelhead, and have one heck of a story to tell later! There is a picture of your first steelhead on the camera. It was an amazing trip. You are hooked forever and you know it.

The fact is, fishing is so much more than throwing a bait and waiting for something to get pulled in. Fishing is about the stories you get, the time you spend, the memories that you will never forget. Having a fish to fry/smoke/cook afterward is just a bonus. I wish I could truly describe the fishing trip I had this morning. Above is just the highlights and doesn't come close to doing it justice. I couldn't care less that I didn't have two fish in the cooler on the way home. I have a story that I will never forget.

Dad,
Thanks for taking me fishing. I had a blast and loved every minute.

A little thing called STEELHEAD FISHING

You are called out of bed. It's 4 am, your eyes are groggy, and you have been awake for the past hour and a half because you woke up and had to pee. Whilst peeing you remembered you are going "STEELHEAD FISHING" in the morning. This doesn't mean much at the time. All you really know is you sit in a boat, throw fish eggs at the water when some people pay thousands of dollars to have them on crackers. So you try to go back to bed after you flush, but you end up tossing and turning thinking of all the fun you could soon be having.

After getting dressed and pounding down a bowl of Wheaties Fuel, you jump in the Suburban and ride an hour to the river. You decide on the way which spot to fish. Do you want to sit and watch the circus of mad people around trying to catch fish, or go down river and hopefully be alone. As you pull up, two people already have boats in the water. It's 5:22 am, why are there already two people on the river. After loading everything into the boat, you guide the boat into the water while standing on the launch holding the rope connected to the bow. You pull it up to the shore and wait while the Suburban is parked. You look up at a clear sky. It's pitch black, but the stars and the moon light up the sky. You say a prayer.

"Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to enjoy your creation. Thank you for a father who is willing to spend time with me, take me fishing. I deserve none of this, so praise You! Keep us safe, Lord. Amen."

About the time you say, "Amen" your fishing buddy walks up. Getting up early is already worth it. "Who cares if we catch fish anyway," you think, "I'd pay money just to sit there." Dad gets in the boat and tells you to push off and jump in. As you quietly go to your spot you hear fish splashing around you. Your blood starts pumping faster. You pull up to your spot and let down the anchor. Even though it is dark, you start fishing. It is ten to six. You start throwing throwing spawn, praying that you don't get a birdsnest in your reel and have to try to figure that out in the dark. You hear an owl hoot. Life is perfect.

As light begins to fill the sky, a few boats have come by, no hits yet. Fish are still splashing in the river. Time is flying by. Soon it is 9:15 or so. You have gotten into a pattern, and it is casting, talking, reeling. Out of NOWHERE you hear, "WE'VE GOT A FISH ON!" and then all you see is the far left rod wielding a Hot n' Tot bent in half. The line is ripping of the spool and you hear, "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!" By this time Dad is already grabbing the rod and going, "HERE!"

You are standing with a rod in your hand that has a silver missile on the end of the line. The fight goes between slow motion and fast forward. You hear excited advice from Dad, you are looking for the fish through the water, and just trying not to let go of the rod. After a solid fight against the fish, the next thing you know there is a net with a fish that looks to be the size of your leg heading your way! It plopps to the bottom of the boat and you have a ~6lb Steelhead at your feet. You take the lure out of it's mouth, and get rid of the net. Dad grabs the camera and takes a picture of you and your first Steelhead. It's no 20 pounder, but it's a trophy to you. You put it on the stringer to bring home.

Dad checks the other rods and finds out that one of the other rods is snagged. Dad has you get out the "SnagMaster." 25 years and never lost a lure, it deserves the name "SnagMaster." Dad is about to work to get the lure back from the snag when you hear, "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!" All of a sudden it clicks!

"HOLY CRAP, WE'VE GOT ANOTHER FISH ON!" you head Dad say. The rod is bent in half again. This time it is the far right rod. Once again, "HERE!"

...... TO BE CONTINUED