A Day of Letters

Dear World,

I was woken up yesterday at 10:43. "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!" I'm thinking, "who in the world is knocking on my door?" I soon found out. I jumped out of bed, (luckily wearing basketball shorts), and opened the door. Christine was standing there with her backpack (on a Saturday that means she is up to something). So, confused already I said, "Whats up?" "Get dressed, we're going somewhere." "Why? And Where?" a more confused me said. "It's a surprise." First off, that is one of the most annoying things to hear. At first you are like, YAY! because that person cares about you enough to plan something special for you, and then you are like, HEY! because they just want to hang it over your head that they know and you don't. It is their silent way of saying "I know and you don't, NANEE NANEE BOO BOO!" Well, no matter how annoyed you are, you are still excited because chances are it is going to be fun and it was created for your enjoyment. Well, I put in my contacts and put some more appropriate clothes on and started off on my day.

- Rex Webb

Dear Christine,

I can't tell you how much I appreciate you thinking of me and caring about me enough to plan this surprise day for me. It was very unexpected and I loved it! I can't think of anything I would have rather been doing on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. You're the best!!

- Me!

Dear 6 guys sitting in the two rows in front of us.

I am sure you don't even remember us. No, that is not because we silently sat behind you. We actually had conversations with you. You were just so drunk that you probably won't even remember where you were yesterday. To fill you in on what you did:

Guy 1. - Where was your underwear? Did you run out of clean ones or did you just completely forget that they are necessary? A lot of people are probably wondering why I know you weren't wearing underwear. As I'm sure you are wondering why I know this. Allow me to explain. Every time you stood up, did the wave, fist bumped the guys around you (I think you were at 63 fist bumps when I quit counting), and did your own dance, your pants were only 1/2 way up your butt. This means that me and everyone behind me are now very, very, VERY familiar with your butt crack. If you wondered why people were yelling, "Crack is Whack!" and "Plumbers Pants!" and "Don't do Crack!" .... No, there was not a DARE anti-drug convention partnering with the American Plumbers Association. They were all yelling at you to pull up your pants.

Guy 2. - Now I realize that getting a couple beers in you can make you feel bonded to the guys you are hanging out with, but by no means does that mean that you are allowed to put your arm around him for more than 3 seconds. You left it there for 2 mins + ! That's just not OK man. If you are blood related brothers, it is somewhat acceptable, in a manly fashion. Neither of these qualifications applied to you, so here is a little tip for you. Get one of those old school handshake shockers buttons that you hide in your hand when you shake hands with someone, tie it to your arm so that next time you are drunk and you try to put your arm around your buddy, he will act accordingly. Problem solved.

Guy 3. - I don't know if you know this, but when you are drunk, your eyes bulge out of your head. Granted, you are pretty hilarious, but you have to lay off the booze. A few of my favorite quotes from you. "Hey, we're in Detroit" - after seeing Guy 1. air hump while half his butt was hanging out of his pants. "Hey man, It happens." - after Guy 2. told us that he had 12 kids and just adopted another. Now, because you are funny, and it was fun to sit behind you I have to fill you in on something that you obviously didn't notice, because had you noticed you wouldn't have shown your face in public, but your Tiger's hat is orange and white. Not navy blue and orange, not navy blue and white, the two acceptable hat colors allowed. Please check your hat colors, then color in the white part navy blue and you will only look kinda dumb because the colors are backwards. Whoever thought it was a good idea to get you that had should be slapped. And yes, I do realize that might have been, and probably was you.

Guy 4,5,6. - I don't know if you realize this, but you are who you hang out with. If I were you I would seriously consider getting some new friends. I mean, unless you would like to be associated with butt crack, goofy hat, man to man PDA drunkards. You have got to have higher aspirations than that. But hey, if that is what you enjoy ... well, you have found your crowd, congrats!

Now, I would just like to personally thank you guys for the humor you provided to all of us behind you. While my day would have been absolutely wonderful even if I was seated nosebleed all alone, it was just icing on the cake when I sat down behind you guys. I will remember the good times I had - and the ones you won't remember for a long time. And I will smile.

- The guy behind you sitting next to the girl you kept looking at.

Dear readers,

Please learn a thing or two from these guys.

1. ALWAYS wear underwear and a belt that works. "Crack is Whack"

2. Too much guy on guy PDA is unacceptable, please refrain from this activity.

3. Getting drunk does not do anything for you. These guys will probably never remember

having a great time on a Saturday afternoon. They won't remember the atmosphere

around them, or the people they met. The only thing these guys will get from their drinks will be liver problems. I have nothing against having a couple drinks responsibly. But that means knowing how much gets you drunk and staying far enough below that to behave responsibly.

- Rex Webb

Dear Detroit Tigers,

Thank you for playing a great game of baseball yesterday. I loved being at the stadium, spitting seeds and enjoying the atmosphere. Congrats on the win. I hope to be able to come see you play many more times in the future. Luckily, I have someone that likes to surprise me with tickets to your games, and I couldn't ask for a better Saturday afternoon.

- A faithful fan