Get Jake on Facebook!

Facebook is one of those things that "most" people have. Whether that is good or bad is yet to be determined. Now, one of the people not included in "most" people is a friend of mine from college. We will call him Jake. Mostly because that is his real name. Now, Jake does not currently have a Facebook page and he is going to grad school in the fall. So this is my campaign to get Jake a Facebook.

I will be in Nevada for 3 years also at grad school. Jake's will be about 5 years, but more likely 7.

Now you are probably thinking... "Just text him."

Yea, that would be nice if he responded 1/50 of the times that you text him. It's just the way he is.

Well, then call him .... Ha. Guys don't call guys to chat. Fyi.

So, we are left with Facebook. A place where we could post on eachothers wall... creep on pictures... pretty much be a fly on the wall of their life, depending on how much they update.

SO, Jake, you need to get a Facebook. There is really no other option.

Cafeteria Conundrum

Who knows what the going rate of a meal plan is? Well, last time I checked (so, right now) it is at the $2,500 mark. Oh, and p.s. - that is for ONE SEMESTER. Did anyone just go, "what!?" Well if you didn't, you should have. That's five grand - you can buy a car for that!! I did my little run in the cafe meal plan gang... it was fun. Of course, that was before I learned how to do simple math, and figured out that I was paying way too much.

As of my current budgeting skills (i.e. - I asked Christine) we have been spending $200 per month on food. Now here is where my simple math skills come in handy!!

200 (dollars) x 4 (months in a semester) = 800 (dollars per semester for food)

Now, keep in mind that is for TWO people. So per person:

800 (dollars per semester for food) / 2 (people) = 400 (dollars per semester for food)

So if I am correct (which I am), that means that a meal plan charges about 6.25 times more than I need to feed me.

( 2,500 [dollars for meal plan] / 400 [dollars for Rex] = 6.25 )


The cafe is a place for eating food and hanging out with friends, but I just don't understand why you pay for Filet Mignon and get last Thursdays Chicken.... for real, apparently it is still good for that long?

Well, you know what they say - different strokes for different strokes (anyone?)

I guess that's why I will stick with my homemade beef stew, fresh guacamole, and berry medley smoothies. You might say I'm cheap, but I say I'm smart.

Oh well, You say tomAto, I say tomAto .... why would I say tomaaato? that's not even a word (really?)

Stay thrifty folks, because in a year you could buy a car, tv, video game system, the possibilities are endless ... all because you didn't buy a meal plan!

My Wife, Christine

Dear World,

This blog post is dedicated to my lovely wife for her birthday. She means the world to me. Happy Birthday Christine!

Christine and I are probably the most explosive combination ever. We will ALWAYS have a good time. Most of this is because of her great characteristics.

Funny - Christine is very funny. Many people know this, but I think I know it a little better than most. She has a normal funny, a qwerky funny, an embarrassing funny, and an awkward funny, and then a couple other funnies that just can't be described. All of which are extremely funny.

Caring - Christine will literally be sick on the couch and want to help me with something. She will consistently invite people over for dinner and make them desserts and delicious meals. And she always cares for people when they are having a break up or are sick.

Hardworking - Christine will not only work herself like crazy, but she will then make you work hard too. She has helped edit more essays of mine and my friends than I can count. She is a great motivator and is never lazy, even when she should be.

Great Wife - I know most of you, okay, none of you, will know this as well as me, but you are going to have to take my word on it ... Christine is an AWESOME wife. She is so great to me and I am so lucky to have her. She completes me and makes be better in so many ways.

Great Cook - Finally, Christine is a great cook. She could make dirt taste good. I'm actually kinda serious on that one ... she probably could. She makes so many different foods, but they all turn out awesome ... I just don't get it. She must have magical cooking powers.

Christine is an amazing person and I love her so much.

Happy Birthday, Christine! I love you.

- Rex

It's Getting Cold In Lansing

First off, I owe a HUGE apology to Jacob. I have definitely been slacking on the blog part of life. I could make all kinds of excuses, tall tales, and white lies but the truth is that my next blog is way overdue. Jacob - this blog is dedicated to you.

It's Getting Cold In Lansing

If you are in Lansing between the months of October and December you get to see some pretty funny things. Half the time the response is, "Are you for real?!' and the other half you have no response because your side is cramping up and you can't catch your breath from the fit of laughter you just barely survived. Let me fill you in ....

Walking on campus is always an adventure, but as the mercury drops the adventure gets better. First thing you notice is the way people are dressed. It is an absolute guarantee that the Asians look like you picked them up and dropped them in Siberia. You almost have to be Superman with x-ray vision to tell they are Asian under their parkas. Then you have the punk/hippie/new age people. I'm not sure if they are trying to make a statement or if their internal body temperature is hovering around 210 degrees Fahrenheit, but either way they need to put on more clothes. They rarely wear coats, never wear hoodies, and always wear clothes that look like they are sewn into their skin because they are so tight! I just don't understand how they can walk across campus in that kind of apparel. Maybe I am missing something and they discovered some new kind of clothing that retains all of your body heat and they are actually quite comfortable. By the look on all of their faces, I highly doubt this theory. Then you have the ghetto people. Luckily this can't be pegged to a certain race because I have seen a person of almost every race dressed like this. Why? I have no idea. The concept of a belt is completely foreign to them. A great example of this was a student I saw walking in front of me one day who had atleast an XXL hoodie on, huge sweatpants that he was holding up by the crotch, and a "Spiderman 2" backpack on. The vast majority of the other people on campus are the "normal" students. They all just look alike with nothing unique. If you were asked how many people you saw one day you would say exactly the number minus those normal people because you never really realize they are there.

Then you have the non - campus life. When it gets cold, the ice begins to form. Picture someone walking, they are trying to keep their balance on the ice as they pseudo-skate over it. Now picture if over 85% of their bodyweight was above their waist and you have the Canada geese trying to walk across our lake. It is probably the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.

Jake, I hope you enjoyed this blog. You need to come witness this for yourself and visit your big brother!

GRE

Have you ever wondered who writes the GRE? Two years ago I could not have cared less about the GRE, what it involves, why it is on a computer, why it is being revised, why it costs 160 dollars, or why so many people care about it. Unfortunately, I now care about these things. Now, I hate to go ahead and jinx myself, but to anyone even remotely associated with the creation of the GRE here is what I say to you: "BOO".

If you ever wanted to pursue a degree after your baccalaureate (which sounds like "back a lor ee et". I'm sorry, just say bachelor's) you would know that you most likely have to take an exam to get into a school for whichever degree you so choose to earn. What you don't know is that some dill-hole is writing your exam just trying to keep you out of said school to earn said degree. He puts words in the analogy section such as, "garrulous, hackneyed, felicitous, and perfidious." Why, sir, do you hate every student taking the GRE.

I have come up with two theories and one that is without a doubt NOT the reason for his hatred toward students, they are as follows:

1 - He took the standardized test that the school of his dreams gave to him. It was his last requirement for admission. They actually told him, "If you can pass this exam you will be accepted." Guess who sucked on that exam! Because he never got in he wants to keep every other student from ever achieving his/her dreams. Thus was born the GRE frequently used words list.

2 - He was a professor at a University but all of his students hated him and played pranks on him until he cried. Everyone knows that if you make a man cry he will seek vengeance seventy times over. Well, turns out us students are still paying for that. Why couldn't he have just failed all of them and that would make them cry?

Finally, the one reason that we can eliminate as a possible explanation:

Trying to find the actual potential of an student applying to a school. In an exam where you could get two answers correct and score 800 and another kid could get two answers correct and get 200, it just doesn't sound that fair to me. The other problem is that I hold the opinion that a person is more than a number. Go to any patient and ask them what their doctors, nurses, physical therapists, optometrists, dentists, or gynecologists GRE score was. I don't think they would even care. Patients care about whether their doctor, nurse, etc., knows how to help them, and whether they are kind, helpful, friendly, respectful, knowledgeable, hardworking, and an all around good person. I could be wrong, but I don't think you can tell that from a score between 200 and 1600.

Maybe I am saying all of this because I am in a bad mood that I have to spend hours of my time preparing for something that I see as a hoop to jump through, but I think I am more saying it out of the fact that all people do these days is ask - what's your GPA, GRE, SAT, ACT - nobody cares about how hard you work or how much you care about other people, and unfortunately a lot of the caring and hardworking people don't get a glance because people are so concerned with another applicant's GPA that is higher - regardless of whether he cares about people or not. Good job America.

Bieber World

Dear Everyone,

You are in one of two camps, "Bieber Obsessed" or "Bieber Hatred." I have not met anyone in between and nor will I because that is not an acceptable place to stand. Bieber is like roller coasters - either you love him, or he makes you want to puke. I have my own opinions about which camp you should be in, but for those who have not been exposed to this phenomenon I will give a completely straight forward, unbiased, non opinionated, facts only listing of arguments for each party:

Bieber World

-He's a decent singer

-He's cute

-He's deep and thoughtful

Bieber Hatred (aka Common Sense, Rational Thought, Those with an IQ above 20 - i.e. above profound mental retardation [look it up])

-He's not cute at all. He actually looks like every 13 year old boy in North America (yes, I know he is 16 - but he does not look 16, he looks like he hasn't even hit puberty)

-He's not deep and thoughtful! How many of those songs do you think he writes himself?! He is singing about Sonny and Cher and Bonnie and Clyde. He is not old enough to even know who they are! Also, he sings about love ALL THE TIME. I'm sorry - I don't think he has truly been in love yet. Even if he really is 16 - which you would have to show me his birth certificate to prove to me - that is still extremely young and I think chances would favor my side that he has not been in love nor come close.

- He sings with people like Usher and Ludacris. I'm sorry that's just not happening.

- HE IS NOT EVEN AMERICAN!!!!!! REALLY PEOPLE?! HE IS FROM CANADA! What happened to the good old RED WHITE AND BLUE! Supporting your own! Great everything we have is already made in China and now we are outsourcing our pop artists as well!?!

World. What can we learn from this? I will tell you. The only thing this kid has going for him is that he has a decent voice, and I'm sorry, but there are a lot of other people who do too (like me - ;) ). That alone should not make you a national obsession. Finally, we have also learned that we should completely abandon pop music all together. What matters is the songs meaning, the singers voice, and their ability to connect to the audience. I just can't connect with a 13 year old singing about love. So world, we have learned: Avoid Bieber at all costs and listen to Country!!!

Yours Truly,

Bieber Hatred member #132246

Acceptable:

Dear friends and family. I realize that I am such a nice, handsome, friendly guy that you all love so much that you just don't know how to express it. Well, because I am that nice guy I have written this post to relieve you of the stress, worry, and frustration of what would be an acceptable way to express your love for me:

These would be acceptable gifts:



-Basset Hound
-Beagle
-Bloodhound
-Any variation of coonhound
-Dachshund
-Elkhound
-Finnish Spitz
-Foxhound
-Greyhound
-Rhodesian Ridgeback
-Brittany
-English Setter
-German Pointer (short or wirehaired)
-Gordon Setter
-Hungarian Vizsla
-Irish Setter
-Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever
-English Pointer
-Labrador Retriever
-English Cocker Spaniel
-Weimaraner
-Airedale
-Bull Terrier
-Fox Terrier (Smooth or Wirehaired)
-Irish Terrier
-Jack Russel Terrier
-Scottish Terrier
-Welsh Terrier
-Bulldog
-Dalmatian
-Standard Schnauzer
-Alaskan Malamute
-Australian Cattle Dog
-Belgian Shepherd Dog
-Bernese Mountain Dog
-Border Collie
-Boxer
-Collie (Rough or Smooth)
-Dobermann
-German Shepherd Dog
-German Pinscher
-Rottweiler
-Siberian Husky


Unacceptable:
-Any dog small enough that if I step on it I could kill it
-Any dog that can use a litter box
-Any dog whose name begins with the word "Toy"
-Any dog that I could lose in my apartment when it is full grown
-Any dog that our 9 week old kitten could beat up
-Any dog that I would be required to say, "It's my wife's" in order to keep my manhood


All acceptable gifts can be sent to

5955 Bois Ile Drive Apt. 43
Haslett, MI 48840

All unacceptable gifts can be sent to

Attn: Christine Webb
5955 Bois Ile Drive Apt. 43
Haslett, MI 48840



You are welcome.