It's Getting Cold In Lansing

First off, I owe a HUGE apology to Jacob. I have definitely been slacking on the blog part of life. I could make all kinds of excuses, tall tales, and white lies but the truth is that my next blog is way overdue. Jacob - this blog is dedicated to you.

It's Getting Cold In Lansing

If you are in Lansing between the months of October and December you get to see some pretty funny things. Half the time the response is, "Are you for real?!' and the other half you have no response because your side is cramping up and you can't catch your breath from the fit of laughter you just barely survived. Let me fill you in ....

Walking on campus is always an adventure, but as the mercury drops the adventure gets better. First thing you notice is the way people are dressed. It is an absolute guarantee that the Asians look like you picked them up and dropped them in Siberia. You almost have to be Superman with x-ray vision to tell they are Asian under their parkas. Then you have the punk/hippie/new age people. I'm not sure if they are trying to make a statement or if their internal body temperature is hovering around 210 degrees Fahrenheit, but either way they need to put on more clothes. They rarely wear coats, never wear hoodies, and always wear clothes that look like they are sewn into their skin because they are so tight! I just don't understand how they can walk across campus in that kind of apparel. Maybe I am missing something and they discovered some new kind of clothing that retains all of your body heat and they are actually quite comfortable. By the look on all of their faces, I highly doubt this theory. Then you have the ghetto people. Luckily this can't be pegged to a certain race because I have seen a person of almost every race dressed like this. Why? I have no idea. The concept of a belt is completely foreign to them. A great example of this was a student I saw walking in front of me one day who had atleast an XXL hoodie on, huge sweatpants that he was holding up by the crotch, and a "Spiderman 2" backpack on. The vast majority of the other people on campus are the "normal" students. They all just look alike with nothing unique. If you were asked how many people you saw one day you would say exactly the number minus those normal people because you never really realize they are there.

Then you have the non - campus life. When it gets cold, the ice begins to form. Picture someone walking, they are trying to keep their balance on the ice as they pseudo-skate over it. Now picture if over 85% of their bodyweight was above their waist and you have the Canada geese trying to walk across our lake. It is probably the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.

Jake, I hope you enjoyed this blog. You need to come witness this for yourself and visit your big brother!

GRE

Have you ever wondered who writes the GRE? Two years ago I could not have cared less about the GRE, what it involves, why it is on a computer, why it is being revised, why it costs 160 dollars, or why so many people care about it. Unfortunately, I now care about these things. Now, I hate to go ahead and jinx myself, but to anyone even remotely associated with the creation of the GRE here is what I say to you: "BOO".

If you ever wanted to pursue a degree after your baccalaureate (which sounds like "back a lor ee et". I'm sorry, just say bachelor's) you would know that you most likely have to take an exam to get into a school for whichever degree you so choose to earn. What you don't know is that some dill-hole is writing your exam just trying to keep you out of said school to earn said degree. He puts words in the analogy section such as, "garrulous, hackneyed, felicitous, and perfidious." Why, sir, do you hate every student taking the GRE.

I have come up with two theories and one that is without a doubt NOT the reason for his hatred toward students, they are as follows:

1 - He took the standardized test that the school of his dreams gave to him. It was his last requirement for admission. They actually told him, "If you can pass this exam you will be accepted." Guess who sucked on that exam! Because he never got in he wants to keep every other student from ever achieving his/her dreams. Thus was born the GRE frequently used words list.

2 - He was a professor at a University but all of his students hated him and played pranks on him until he cried. Everyone knows that if you make a man cry he will seek vengeance seventy times over. Well, turns out us students are still paying for that. Why couldn't he have just failed all of them and that would make them cry?

Finally, the one reason that we can eliminate as a possible explanation:

Trying to find the actual potential of an student applying to a school. In an exam where you could get two answers correct and score 800 and another kid could get two answers correct and get 200, it just doesn't sound that fair to me. The other problem is that I hold the opinion that a person is more than a number. Go to any patient and ask them what their doctors, nurses, physical therapists, optometrists, dentists, or gynecologists GRE score was. I don't think they would even care. Patients care about whether their doctor, nurse, etc., knows how to help them, and whether they are kind, helpful, friendly, respectful, knowledgeable, hardworking, and an all around good person. I could be wrong, but I don't think you can tell that from a score between 200 and 1600.

Maybe I am saying all of this because I am in a bad mood that I have to spend hours of my time preparing for something that I see as a hoop to jump through, but I think I am more saying it out of the fact that all people do these days is ask - what's your GPA, GRE, SAT, ACT - nobody cares about how hard you work or how much you care about other people, and unfortunately a lot of the caring and hardworking people don't get a glance because people are so concerned with another applicant's GPA that is higher - regardless of whether he cares about people or not. Good job America.

Bieber World

Dear Everyone,

You are in one of two camps, "Bieber Obsessed" or "Bieber Hatred." I have not met anyone in between and nor will I because that is not an acceptable place to stand. Bieber is like roller coasters - either you love him, or he makes you want to puke. I have my own opinions about which camp you should be in, but for those who have not been exposed to this phenomenon I will give a completely straight forward, unbiased, non opinionated, facts only listing of arguments for each party:

Bieber World

-He's a decent singer

-He's cute

-He's deep and thoughtful

Bieber Hatred (aka Common Sense, Rational Thought, Those with an IQ above 20 - i.e. above profound mental retardation [look it up])

-He's not cute at all. He actually looks like every 13 year old boy in North America (yes, I know he is 16 - but he does not look 16, he looks like he hasn't even hit puberty)

-He's not deep and thoughtful! How many of those songs do you think he writes himself?! He is singing about Sonny and Cher and Bonnie and Clyde. He is not old enough to even know who they are! Also, he sings about love ALL THE TIME. I'm sorry - I don't think he has truly been in love yet. Even if he really is 16 - which you would have to show me his birth certificate to prove to me - that is still extremely young and I think chances would favor my side that he has not been in love nor come close.

- He sings with people like Usher and Ludacris. I'm sorry that's just not happening.

- HE IS NOT EVEN AMERICAN!!!!!! REALLY PEOPLE?! HE IS FROM CANADA! What happened to the good old RED WHITE AND BLUE! Supporting your own! Great everything we have is already made in China and now we are outsourcing our pop artists as well!?!

World. What can we learn from this? I will tell you. The only thing this kid has going for him is that he has a decent voice, and I'm sorry, but there are a lot of other people who do too (like me - ;) ). That alone should not make you a national obsession. Finally, we have also learned that we should completely abandon pop music all together. What matters is the songs meaning, the singers voice, and their ability to connect to the audience. I just can't connect with a 13 year old singing about love. So world, we have learned: Avoid Bieber at all costs and listen to Country!!!

Yours Truly,

Bieber Hatred member #132246

Acceptable:

Dear friends and family. I realize that I am such a nice, handsome, friendly guy that you all love so much that you just don't know how to express it. Well, because I am that nice guy I have written this post to relieve you of the stress, worry, and frustration of what would be an acceptable way to express your love for me:

These would be acceptable gifts:



-Basset Hound
-Beagle
-Bloodhound
-Any variation of coonhound
-Dachshund
-Elkhound
-Finnish Spitz
-Foxhound
-Greyhound
-Rhodesian Ridgeback
-Brittany
-English Setter
-German Pointer (short or wirehaired)
-Gordon Setter
-Hungarian Vizsla
-Irish Setter
-Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever
-English Pointer
-Labrador Retriever
-English Cocker Spaniel
-Weimaraner
-Airedale
-Bull Terrier
-Fox Terrier (Smooth or Wirehaired)
-Irish Terrier
-Jack Russel Terrier
-Scottish Terrier
-Welsh Terrier
-Bulldog
-Dalmatian
-Standard Schnauzer
-Alaskan Malamute
-Australian Cattle Dog
-Belgian Shepherd Dog
-Bernese Mountain Dog
-Border Collie
-Boxer
-Collie (Rough or Smooth)
-Dobermann
-German Shepherd Dog
-German Pinscher
-Rottweiler
-Siberian Husky


Unacceptable:
-Any dog small enough that if I step on it I could kill it
-Any dog that can use a litter box
-Any dog whose name begins with the word "Toy"
-Any dog that I could lose in my apartment when it is full grown
-Any dog that our 9 week old kitten could beat up
-Any dog that I would be required to say, "It's my wife's" in order to keep my manhood


All acceptable gifts can be sent to

5955 Bois Ile Drive Apt. 43
Haslett, MI 48840

All unacceptable gifts can be sent to

Attn: Christine Webb
5955 Bois Ile Drive Apt. 43
Haslett, MI 48840



You are welcome.

FREEDOM!!!!

Dear World,

I apologize for my absence and lack of consistent updating about my life. I have been INCREDIBLY busy. "Oh we are all busy!" you say ... Well, try this on for size:

1. Finals week of Junior year of college at Michigan State University. (Yes, that is correct. I have not blogged since finals week. I apologize.) Anyway, finals week was crazy as expected. I still do not understand who's "brilliant" idea it was to put all of those exams in one week. Whoever it was - RUDE! So that week was completely devoid of blogs for obvious reasons.

2. Begin summer. Now, you might think this means going to the beach, sleeping in, hanging out with friends, spending countless dollars on things you don't really need because your parents give you unlimited funds, sleeping in, tanning, staying out late, chasing butterflies, and all that other garbage that everyone else gets to do. Well, my first day home from school was spent working. At the peak of working I was working a solid 63-65 hours a week. This means I had time for work and work and then a little work on the side. Now, don't get me wrong. I was not forced to work these hours and I went kicking and screaming. I signed up for that work load because of the next part of this blog:

3. Wedding. Yep, you guessed it. I was in Josh Mackaluso's wedding! YAY! But seriously - I actually was. But the wedding I am actually referring to is my own. That consumed a ton of time, and I did hardly anything for it. Props to Christine Webb (my new wife :) ) for doing so much work for the wedding. I am super proud of her, and you should be too! Well - there isn't much more to say about that. We said "I do" and that is that. Bonded forever.

4. Honeymoon!! So, before I go ahead and tell you of all of the fun Christine and I had on our honeymoon ... Who came up with the word "honeymoon?" I mean really. How is that at all relevant to "Very big vacation immediately following a wedding." I just don't get it. Unless of course someone had the idea of taking his "honey" to the moon. This plan sucks for many reasons. Let me enlighten you with a couple:

Reason #1. Expensive much?? I understand you are supposed to splurge a little, but really? I don't know how much a rental space shuttle is but I can definitely say it is WAY too much.

Reason #2. How do you top that?! That's like going on Top Thrill Dragster in the first 30 minutes of being at Cedar Point. Everything after that is just lame.

Reason #3. What is there to do on the moon?! I don't need to explain this one.

Oh, right. The honeymoon (vacation after wedding) that we went on was to Jamaica! It was fantastic. We had awesome weather, went snorkeling everyday, had unlimited food. Couldn't have been better.

5. BIOCHEMISTRY 401. All I have to say about this class is, "Wow, I am so glad it is over." Seriously. That class was nuts. I was trying to work two jobs and learn glycolysis, gluconeogenesis, DNA replication, translation and transcription. Yea, it was a handful. The exams were all at KVCC which was crazy because these people flip out if anything happens that is not routine. I went in and said, "Hi, I am an MSU student here to take a proctored exam and they about shut the place down. It was a nightmare.



6. MOVE OUT / MOVE IN. We went from moving out of our apartment at Campus Court (Don't get me started on that place ....) and moving in with Christine's parents for a week, then moving everything again up to Lansing. Living out of boxes is not the way to go.


Now I finally have some time to write in my blog and school starts in 3 days....

Sorry to all of my readers (Jake and Christine) that I have not updated more. We will see what the school year has in store.

What is "Finals Week"

I am not really sure what it would be like to be that one guy who has to decide whether to cut the black wire or the red one on the bomb and if you cut the wrong one the whole place blows up... but the stress level has got to be about the same as what most every college student goes through twice a year during "Finals Week."

You just scoffed ... you shouldn't. It's probably true. You have 3-5 exams, both 2 hours long, and worth a third of your grade (which by the way needs to be the best it can be ... ) Pressure much anyone? Oh, and did I mention these are usually cumulative? That means you have to know every nit picky thing that the professor can conjure up to try and fail you. Sounding fun yet? Didn't think so. Hey, let's not forget that we get the pleasure of doing this not once, but TWICE a year! YIPPEE!!

So here is what I find funny ... not only do you have finals that week, but then the residence halls are like ... "hey, you have to be out by Friday night at 8." Oh, you had a final at 5:45-7:45 pm ... too bad. "Plan accordingly" they say.

Well, there is one good thing about "Finals Week." The Residence Life staff puts on a something called "Stress Free Zone." Now, a nice perk of dating a mentor (part of Res Life) is that you get input on what would be cool for "Stress Free Zone." I was asked at the beginning of the year what I would want at "Stress Free Zone." I said a room full of puppies. Did I think it would work? Absolutely not, but apparently every once in a while, you get lucky and everything goes your way.

I have decided that God loves me a lot, and Christine must as well. Let me tell you why.

I told Christine that a room full of puppies would be cool in the fall ... nothing happened in winter during "Finals Week." I figured it just wouldn't happen.

BOY WAS I WRONG!

Saturday before "Finals Week" Christine asks me if I am doing anything Sunday from 2-5 pm because there will be a truck full of puppies coming to campus for "Stress Free Zone." I about peed my pants. I was so excited.

I immediately volunteered to help with the event (that way I didn't have to leave!!).

Well, needless to say, I spent from 2-5 playing with 5 Pitbull mix puppies. They were brindle (a color). They were adorable.

Now, I don't know how well you know me, but I am absolutely obsessed with dogs. Like, literally. I read books about them, look at pictures of them online, dream about what breeds I want and what I would name them. It is a little over the top, but I like to think of it more as passion.

You can imagine what happened when I got to play with 5 puppies for 3 hours ... I was about the happiest person in the world. I must thank Christine for setting the whole thing up. She made that event all because she knew it would make me less stressed out before the dreaded "Finals Week."

Well, thank you Christine! You are amazing.

If you are feeling stressed ... go get a bunch of puppies, it will take all your stress away!

I promise.

New Career Aspirations?

It finally hit me when I said, "Why can't they pay me to do that?!"

Now, I don't know what you all are thinking, but I am talking about being a big time singer/songwriter/performer.

A lot of you are saying, "Whoa! Rex, how dare you insult their musical talent by saying you could do the same!" or "What?! They have been practicing all their lives!" Well, I must say - they probably do have a better voice than me, and they have DEFINITELY practiced more than I have (although I do sing occasionally in the shower - and I'm not all that bad!), and I wish that any of that mattered, I really do. I should not be able to sit here and say that I could be a famous singer/songwriter. But the truth is ... music quality has continuously been on a downhill slide since the end of the 90's.

I know what you are thinking, "You have nothing to back this up!" and "You are just jealous!"

Well, here is my proof. Here are a few lyrics from popular songs ... you tell me how creative you have to be to come up with this:

Ms New Booty

[Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]

Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]

Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx] I found you MS NEW BOOTY Get it together and bring it back to me Hit the players club for about a month or two Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]  Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [4x]

Now, I realize that there are more lyrics in the song, but these lyrics above are repeated THREE more times in the song! REALLY?! We can't be more creative than that? 

How about this one:

Single Ladies

All the single ladies (all the single ladies)

All the single ladies (all the single ladies)

All the single ladies (all the single ladies)

All the single ladies, now put your hands up 

Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh   Wha-oh-oh Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it   Wha-oh-oh Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it   Wha-oh-oh
This is half the song! I just don't understand how you can  make a song that says the same things over and over, and have it be a hit! It just doesn't make sense to me.
Finally, this blog post exists because of the song that takes the cake for originality, Enjoy!
I'm A Be
I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be be be be I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be be be be I'm a I'm a be.
I'm a be be be be I'm a I'm a be.

[Fergie:]
I'm a be on the next level
I'm a be rockin' over that bass treble
I'm a be chillin' with my muthaFin' crew
I'm a be makin' all them deals you wanna do
I'm a be up in that maylist flicks
Doin' 100 flips, and I'm a be
Sippin' on drinks cause
I'm a be shakin' my hips
You gon' be lickin' your lips
I'm a be takin' them pics
Lookin' all fly and s***
I'm a be the flyest chick, so fly
I'm a be spreadin' my wings
I'm a be doin' my thing (do it do it)
Okay.

I'm a I'm a swing it this way, (I'm a I'm a s...) I'm a I'm a swing it that way
This is Fergie-Ferg, and I'm a (I'm a) be here to stay
The 21st century till infinitay

I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be
I'm a be, I'm a be I'm a I'm a I'm a be.
Now, I would try to count the number of times they say "I'm a be" but I don't know if I could count that high before my head exploded! This song tops the rest. I don't know who heard this song and thought, "Yea, that is creative and artistic, lets put it on the radio."  but whoever it was needs to be fired. I would think there would be some sort of checks and balances to weed these songs out. Apparently not. 
Therefore, I sit here and ponder whether I choose the correct path in life ... Physical Therapy - or should I have been a Singer/Songwriter?
Ideas for my first song: 
What it ain't, what it ain't, What it ain't. [x18]
I got rhythm, what? Dawg, I got rhythm [x26]
Who be in da club wit me? [x382,203,300]
It's a number one hit in the making .... I'm sure of it. 

A Day of Letters

Dear World,

I was woken up yesterday at 10:43. "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!" I'm thinking, "who in the world is knocking on my door?" I soon found out. I jumped out of bed, (luckily wearing basketball shorts), and opened the door. Christine was standing there with her backpack (on a Saturday that means she is up to something). So, confused already I said, "Whats up?" "Get dressed, we're going somewhere." "Why? And Where?" a more confused me said. "It's a surprise." First off, that is one of the most annoying things to hear. At first you are like, YAY! because that person cares about you enough to plan something special for you, and then you are like, HEY! because they just want to hang it over your head that they know and you don't. It is their silent way of saying "I know and you don't, NANEE NANEE BOO BOO!" Well, no matter how annoyed you are, you are still excited because chances are it is going to be fun and it was created for your enjoyment. Well, I put in my contacts and put some more appropriate clothes on and started off on my day.

- Rex Webb

Dear Christine,

I can't tell you how much I appreciate you thinking of me and caring about me enough to plan this surprise day for me. It was very unexpected and I loved it! I can't think of anything I would have rather been doing on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. You're the best!!

- Me!

Dear 6 guys sitting in the two rows in front of us.

I am sure you don't even remember us. No, that is not because we silently sat behind you. We actually had conversations with you. You were just so drunk that you probably won't even remember where you were yesterday. To fill you in on what you did:

Guy 1. - Where was your underwear? Did you run out of clean ones or did you just completely forget that they are necessary? A lot of people are probably wondering why I know you weren't wearing underwear. As I'm sure you are wondering why I know this. Allow me to explain. Every time you stood up, did the wave, fist bumped the guys around you (I think you were at 63 fist bumps when I quit counting), and did your own dance, your pants were only 1/2 way up your butt. This means that me and everyone behind me are now very, very, VERY familiar with your butt crack. If you wondered why people were yelling, "Crack is Whack!" and "Plumbers Pants!" and "Don't do Crack!" .... No, there was not a DARE anti-drug convention partnering with the American Plumbers Association. They were all yelling at you to pull up your pants.

Guy 2. - Now I realize that getting a couple beers in you can make you feel bonded to the guys you are hanging out with, but by no means does that mean that you are allowed to put your arm around him for more than 3 seconds. You left it there for 2 mins + ! That's just not OK man. If you are blood related brothers, it is somewhat acceptable, in a manly fashion. Neither of these qualifications applied to you, so here is a little tip for you. Get one of those old school handshake shockers buttons that you hide in your hand when you shake hands with someone, tie it to your arm so that next time you are drunk and you try to put your arm around your buddy, he will act accordingly. Problem solved.

Guy 3. - I don't know if you know this, but when you are drunk, your eyes bulge out of your head. Granted, you are pretty hilarious, but you have to lay off the booze. A few of my favorite quotes from you. "Hey, we're in Detroit" - after seeing Guy 1. air hump while half his butt was hanging out of his pants. "Hey man, It happens." - after Guy 2. told us that he had 12 kids and just adopted another. Now, because you are funny, and it was fun to sit behind you I have to fill you in on something that you obviously didn't notice, because had you noticed you wouldn't have shown your face in public, but your Tiger's hat is orange and white. Not navy blue and orange, not navy blue and white, the two acceptable hat colors allowed. Please check your hat colors, then color in the white part navy blue and you will only look kinda dumb because the colors are backwards. Whoever thought it was a good idea to get you that had should be slapped. And yes, I do realize that might have been, and probably was you.

Guy 4,5,6. - I don't know if you realize this, but you are who you hang out with. If I were you I would seriously consider getting some new friends. I mean, unless you would like to be associated with butt crack, goofy hat, man to man PDA drunkards. You have got to have higher aspirations than that. But hey, if that is what you enjoy ... well, you have found your crowd, congrats!

Now, I would just like to personally thank you guys for the humor you provided to all of us behind you. While my day would have been absolutely wonderful even if I was seated nosebleed all alone, it was just icing on the cake when I sat down behind you guys. I will remember the good times I had - and the ones you won't remember for a long time. And I will smile.

- The guy behind you sitting next to the girl you kept looking at.

Dear readers,

Please learn a thing or two from these guys.

1. ALWAYS wear underwear and a belt that works. "Crack is Whack"

2. Too much guy on guy PDA is unacceptable, please refrain from this activity.

3. Getting drunk does not do anything for you. These guys will probably never remember

having a great time on a Saturday afternoon. They won't remember the atmosphere

around them, or the people they met. The only thing these guys will get from their drinks will be liver problems. I have nothing against having a couple drinks responsibly. But that means knowing how much gets you drunk and staying far enough below that to behave responsibly.

- Rex Webb

Dear Detroit Tigers,

Thank you for playing a great game of baseball yesterday. I loved being at the stadium, spitting seeds and enjoying the atmosphere. Congrats on the win. I hope to be able to come see you play many more times in the future. Luckily, I have someone that likes to surprise me with tickets to your games, and I couldn't ask for a better Saturday afternoon.

- A faithful fan

A little thing called STEELHEAD FISHING .... continued

So, you just landed your first steelhead, you are trying to figure out a snag, and now ANOTHER fish on! This one is fighting more than the first. It makes a couple runs. Under the boat, away from the boat, straight down. After another great fight, another fish is coming at your face in a net. You look down and the lure is already out of the mouth. You were that close to losing that fish! It's time to put this fish alongside the first on the stringer. As soon as the fish are on the stringer it is time to go back to the snag.

You resume the task of trying to get the lure free of whatever it is snagged on. Dad gets hold of it a couple of times with the SnagMaster and he couldn't pull it up! After 30-45 minutes we finally gave up. The 25 year streak is broken as the line to the snagged lure is broken off. You are about to resume fishing, but you must first retie the line to the rod that the last fish was caught on. You are about to set it up and as we are retying the line snaps?! Once again, you were that close to losing that fish! It is a miracle you landed that second fish!

You continue fishing for a few more hours. One more steelhead hit on the spawn, but the line snapped. You get the weather report via a call home, and it was supposed to rain at 1. Dad decided to leave at noon. Around noon, Dad starts to pack up the gear. The lines are being reeled in and about that time it starts to rain. Early. The anchor is raised and it is time to head in. You are getting comfortable watching the bank, bracing against the wind and rain. You decide to check on the fish, making sure they are doing alright at the higher speeds while you try to get to the launch. You look over and Dad tells you they'll be fine. You thought the stringer looked a little funny and then said, "Um, Dad? Where are our fish?!" He says, "WHAT?!?" Sure enough, you grab the stringer and there is NOTHING on the end! NO FISH! WHERE DID THEY GO!?! The stringer must not have been secured correctly! Two big steelhead are swimming free.

You start to laugh. Baffled and confused, you don't know what to say. How could it have happened, who knows? We have our theories, but they really don't matter. The fact is they are gone. You load up the boat and start to head home. You start to think.

Should you be disappointed? Should you be upset? You remember what you thought this morning. Even if you didn't catch a fish, you would have walked away having a morning to remember and would have been thrilled. You got to catch two steelhead, and have one heck of a story to tell later! There is a picture of your first steelhead on the camera. It was an amazing trip. You are hooked forever and you know it.

The fact is, fishing is so much more than throwing a bait and waiting for something to get pulled in. Fishing is about the stories you get, the time you spend, the memories that you will never forget. Having a fish to fry/smoke/cook afterward is just a bonus. I wish I could truly describe the fishing trip I had this morning. Above is just the highlights and doesn't come close to doing it justice. I couldn't care less that I didn't have two fish in the cooler on the way home. I have a story that I will never forget.

Dad,
Thanks for taking me fishing. I had a blast and loved every minute.

A little thing called STEELHEAD FISHING

You are called out of bed. It's 4 am, your eyes are groggy, and you have been awake for the past hour and a half because you woke up and had to pee. Whilst peeing you remembered you are going "STEELHEAD FISHING" in the morning. This doesn't mean much at the time. All you really know is you sit in a boat, throw fish eggs at the water when some people pay thousands of dollars to have them on crackers. So you try to go back to bed after you flush, but you end up tossing and turning thinking of all the fun you could soon be having.

After getting dressed and pounding down a bowl of Wheaties Fuel, you jump in the Suburban and ride an hour to the river. You decide on the way which spot to fish. Do you want to sit and watch the circus of mad people around trying to catch fish, or go down river and hopefully be alone. As you pull up, two people already have boats in the water. It's 5:22 am, why are there already two people on the river. After loading everything into the boat, you guide the boat into the water while standing on the launch holding the rope connected to the bow. You pull it up to the shore and wait while the Suburban is parked. You look up at a clear sky. It's pitch black, but the stars and the moon light up the sky. You say a prayer.

"Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to enjoy your creation. Thank you for a father who is willing to spend time with me, take me fishing. I deserve none of this, so praise You! Keep us safe, Lord. Amen."

About the time you say, "Amen" your fishing buddy walks up. Getting up early is already worth it. "Who cares if we catch fish anyway," you think, "I'd pay money just to sit there." Dad gets in the boat and tells you to push off and jump in. As you quietly go to your spot you hear fish splashing around you. Your blood starts pumping faster. You pull up to your spot and let down the anchor. Even though it is dark, you start fishing. It is ten to six. You start throwing throwing spawn, praying that you don't get a birdsnest in your reel and have to try to figure that out in the dark. You hear an owl hoot. Life is perfect.

As light begins to fill the sky, a few boats have come by, no hits yet. Fish are still splashing in the river. Time is flying by. Soon it is 9:15 or so. You have gotten into a pattern, and it is casting, talking, reeling. Out of NOWHERE you hear, "WE'VE GOT A FISH ON!" and then all you see is the far left rod wielding a Hot n' Tot bent in half. The line is ripping of the spool and you hear, "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!" By this time Dad is already grabbing the rod and going, "HERE!"

You are standing with a rod in your hand that has a silver missile on the end of the line. The fight goes between slow motion and fast forward. You hear excited advice from Dad, you are looking for the fish through the water, and just trying not to let go of the rod. After a solid fight against the fish, the next thing you know there is a net with a fish that looks to be the size of your leg heading your way! It plopps to the bottom of the boat and you have a ~6lb Steelhead at your feet. You take the lure out of it's mouth, and get rid of the net. Dad grabs the camera and takes a picture of you and your first Steelhead. It's no 20 pounder, but it's a trophy to you. You put it on the stringer to bring home.

Dad checks the other rods and finds out that one of the other rods is snagged. Dad has you get out the "SnagMaster." 25 years and never lost a lure, it deserves the name "SnagMaster." Dad is about to work to get the lure back from the snag when you hear, "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!" All of a sudden it clicks!

"HOLY CRAP, WE'VE GOT ANOTHER FISH ON!" you head Dad say. The rod is bent in half again. This time it is the far right rod. Once again, "HERE!"

...... TO BE CONTINUED

Little Brother!

Well, good news! Jake my little brother is visiting me at State! WOO HOO! He is going to go to class with me, hang out, it's gonna be GREAT! For those who do not know my little brother, he is pretty much me, except a freshman in highschool. He is one of few people who like dogs as much as me! He is really happy to be here too ... we have class at 8:30 AM! That will be fun.

Currently, Jake is watching MacGyver. MacGyver couldn't be a better example of an all around Man's Man plus many more benefits that the average buff coolguy doesn't have. I have compiled a list of the reasons MacGyver is better than Chuck Norris. Therefore, he is the ultimate Man.

1. He blows stuff up. Not only does he use C4 and dynamite, he can pretty much us anything.
2. He is athletic. He is always climbing mountains, hiking, playing hockey etc. He is an outdoorsman.
3. He gets the girl. Every man's man has to get the girl.

Those are the reason's that he measures up to the average buff coolguy. Now these are the reasons that put him over the top as the ultimate Man's Man.

4. He is BRILLIANT. Find a guy with the qualities above that knows that does not carry a gun, rather he uses other things to create weapons or ways to get out of danger.
5. He is one of the only guys that still looks good with a mullet.
6. He wears Nike Hightops. No classy business suit, no expensive designer clothes, just good 'ole jeans and Nikes.
7. He is only known as MacGyver. Does anyone know his first name? I mean, James Bond tries to be this cool, but ends up having to say his first name and then his last name again! "Bond, James Bond"
8. He doesn't need high tech gadgets, all he needs is a Swiss Army knife and Duct tape. Anything else he needs he will just find along the way.
9. He lives on a BOAT!
10. He is always helping someone. He doesn't end up rich or famous, just helps somebody.

If that isn't enough to convince you, I don't know what you need. If you haven't seen MacGyver, look it up. The episodes are online, you'll be hooked, just like I am!

Broke Down

It's true, I finally broke down a created a blog. Everyone has something to say about everything, so I might as well throw in my two cents as well. Now, I'm not promising that this is going to be good. I know for a fact that most of the time it won't even be gramatically correct. The one thing this blog will be is real life. I'm not the most creative person in the world, actually, I'm really not creative at all. You may be wondering about the title of this blog - A Fistful of Real Life. Some people, now I'm not naming names .... CHRISTINE! CARLY! ..... are into the deep meaning of the title of a work. I don't blame you guys (girls), in fact, I really admire it! I wish I could make a really deep title that was catchy, deep, and entertaining. But that is where my lack of creativity comes in. A Fistful of Real Life is exactly that - its a handful of what I have to say - not watered down, not censored - just truth about how I feel. I might offend some people, that is not my intention, and I apologize in advance. I am just throwing into the ethos (those of you who know the joke will get it) my opinion on life. Plus, A Fistful of Real Life just sounds cool and manly. Isn't that what all guys who start a blog need to do, make a title that is manly so that it overcompensates for the girliness of having a blog? A guy can't just make a blog titled, "My Journal" or "Life through the eyes of a humble traveler" without a man putting him in his place! So, while I am very comfortable with my manhood, I am making a MANLY title for my blog so that all who read it are aware that just because I am putting my thoughts down does not mean I am a girly man who is all about feelings. So there it is. I have a blog - for one more inside joke - OOPS! I blogged!